Some would say I have an uncanny memory. I’ve discovered that’s not such a great thing. Let me explain…
Memory One: I’m a tiny little thing and a babysitter is rocking me to sleep. Fat chance that’s happening since the sitter fell asleep and not me. I remember gripping and clinging on to huge breasts as I slipped towards the wooden floor below my little self. My mother found me hanging when she arrived home. And yes, it has been verified by a grown-up. I’ve been scared of heights ever since– bridges, high balconies, Ferris wheels, well, you get the picture.
Memory Two: Another event I’m purging from memory is being stuck with a diaper pin when I was a baby. It’s true. Nobody believes me when I tell them. According to Mazelle- who raised me- I was 100% potty-trained by 18-months-old. I know, I’m impressed, too. So now, let’s do the math here. That means I would have been under 18 months old when I was stuck with that pin, right? My potty-training IQ was shared with me by Mazelle when my babies were slower to be trained. My point to this story– I remember things way back and that has influenced this girl– not in a good way.
Memory Three: Let’s talk germs, shall we? I’m a phobic according to girlfriends who have been unfortunate enough to room with me. They take great delight in comparing stories of traveling with Prissy. Dr. Oz hasn’t helped my affliction with his televised shows on ‘fecal matter in all hotel rooms’ and ‘e-coli’ everywhere else. I’ve been known to pull out my alcohol sprayer before the bellman gets his tip. I traced this need for overcleaning to another buried memory and may have unraveled a possible link …men.
Hold on gentlemen, let me explain. Don’t judge me, not yet.
It was the summer between my sophomore and junior year of college. I decided I wanted to spend it in the big city we all know and love– Atlanta. And by the way nothing has changed. I’d still like to do that.
Anyway, it was a very last minute decision (the best ones usually are, right?) and off I went with my girlfriend, Debe Chesson. Of course, neither one of us had jobs, contacts, or plans. Saks failed to hire me after I informed them I could only work six weeks. Clearly, I needed to polish my interviewing skills.
If I wanted to stay in Atlanta that summer we had to be creative. Believe you me, we were. We decided to clean apartments for money. Now it couldn’t be just any apartments, mind you. We rode around and looked for some gated, fancy hoods that showcased expensive cars out front: BMW’s, Mercedes, and Jaguars. I wasn’t prejudiced, just practical. We targeted busy, successful, executive bachelors. They were the only ones who could actually pay me enough money to stay in Atlanta those six weeks. Had my daddy known his daughter was knocking on doors of strangers’ apartments, he would have snatched my hair and dragged me straight home.
So we got ourselves dressed up real cute, wearing Pappagallo shoes and Lily Pulitzer frocks. We knocked on doors with our clip boards, flyers, and big grins. We even offered to do their dirty, personal laundry for a tiny bit more money. Did I say I was crazy? Yes, indeed, crazier than crazy. But here’s the good thing… I read a lot of crime novels back then. We stipulated the apartments be empty of all occupants during our cleaning hours. Clearly, had there been a murderer living there, he would have torn up that contract and smiled after he killed us.
Fortunately– for the two stupid girls– we were lucky. And just in case you’re wondering– the women who answered the doors shooed us away. They were smart enough to know they could clean better than us. They were right, by the way.
The lesson I learned that summer followed me. Money doesn’t make you clean. Those were some nasty apartments, dirty clothes, and ill kept men driving those big, fancy cars. I’ve been a Q-tip cleaner ever since…germs need to move away from me. My point of sharing this story is my next story. Stay with me.
Last week I went to see Elizabeth Gilbert in this wonderful city where I live- Tallahassee, Florida. You remember her—Eat, Pray, Love; Big Magic– that girl. I was very fortunate and invited to meet her at a small cocktail party before the event. Oh my, she was so charming, grounded and real. I loved her instantly.
After the cocktail party my girlfriends and I scooted over to Ruby Diamond Auditorium for her lecture at Florida State University. I was so pumped to see her speak, especially since I’m doing some of that myself.
I had a couple of minutes to run to the ladies’ room before the lights were dimmed and the entry doors to the auditorium closed. I told my friends I’d be right back and left them waiting in the lobby. Inside the stall I looked for a place to hang my favorite, perfect-sized, adorable, burlap, beige clutch. There were no hooks on the closed stall door. I found a stainless shelf above the toilet and carefully placed it there, reminding myself not to forget it.
I turned around and positioned myself in a perfect squat. I lifted my silk, darn cute, chiffon dress high above my knees for a quick pee. For the record, Rocky Balboa a.k.a. Sylvester Stallone has nothing on my legs. My thigh muscles are stone hard from years of squatting to keep myself as far away from public toilet seats as possible. I heard a splash. It wasn’t coming from me!
At first I didn’t believe it so couldn’t react. I looked down into the toilet and watched my favorite, adorable, burlap, perfect-sized clutch sink to the bottom of the toilet bowl. I was paralyzed. Inside were my tickets, wallet, i-phone and more. I stared at the ‘beigeness’ sitting at the bottom of the bowl in international toilet water. I pulled myself together and reached down and pulled it out as water dripped from the burlap threads. I opened the stall door and raced to the sink with a quart of toilet water spilling over me and the polished, historical floor. I pulled yards of paper towels from the dispenser and removed all they had. I wrapped them around my purse and contents and raced out the door. The toilet water had soaked the brown paper towels before the door closed behind me. Water ran down the front and sides of my dress, my legs, and splashed all over my cute new shoes.
I looked around and realized the lights were already dimmed and the doors to the auditorium were closed. My friends were gone, along with every other soul in attendance. I stood in disbelief with that nasty toilet water dripping from my armload of brown sogginess. And I didn’t even get to pee.
But you know what—I didn’t let it ruin my night. I didn’t speed home for a shower. Nope, I stayed. Well, in all honesty, I didn’t drive my own car and would have needed Uber. And in order to pay Uber I would need to dig into the germ-infested purse and locate my i-phone which stored their information. Instead, I slipped through the back door, sat alone, and listened to Elizabeth Gilbert. The toilet water puddled and ran down the floor of Ruby Diamond Auditorium during her entire, inspiring speech. But guess what Dr. Oz, and everyone else? I survived. I didn’t get E-Coli or any other deadly disease. Not yet anyway.
My sisters and I are taking my mother to Sea Island for her birthday celebration next week. It will always be that place of ‘Remembered Beauty’ I wrote about in Far Outside the Ordinary. I’ll also be getting some much needed rest at Rosemary Beach the following week, rebooting this old brain of mine, before heading to Los Angeles for some Far Outside the Ordinary business.
We all know pigs don’t fly, right? When my daughters were young and whined for something ridiculous, I would reply, “Sure honey, when pigs fly.”
The irony is there are whispers a pig might get fitted for wings. If magically these wings do actually fly, I’ll share this incredulous news with you. According to my daughters… I overshare everything. Nah, no way!
Enjoy this beautiful spring, your family and the abundant joy in living. We are blessed and this comes from someone who knows. I remain grateful every day just to have another day.
Warmest wishes!
Prissy
Thank you for the smile and giggle!
You are so welcome from my grateful heart, Becky!
The mental image of you in your darling new dress and shoes, retrieving your perfect clutch-size burlap purse from the toilet has provided the best gloomy Saturday afternoon laugh ever. Now that I know the water was clean, you just had to do it!
Your blog is fabulous – the current post so entertaining, and at the same time poignant and funny. I thank-you sharing it with all of us. Wishing you and Dale much success in LA!!
Thanks, Linda! You made me blush:-)
You, for one, have heard from some of those roommates of mine. I swear….I’m not as bad as they claim I am.
We will gather and share when back home. Love our dinners:-)
Quite frankly, I can see all these blogs in a collection at some point!
Oh no….my girls would lock me up for sure, Pat. I like that suggestion—- I like it a lot:-)
Cute stories , Prissy. Everytime I read anything you have written, I remember many of our conversation. It’s like talking to you in person ! Keep writing , you have an exceptional talent .
Awww Mike, thanks! Yep, we did some yacking. Well, I did yacking– you did more listening. Thanks for the sweet praise!:-)
I loved this and could so relate. I have memories from waaay back when! Keep up the great work. I enjoy your stories…they always take me to a far outside the ordinary place. 😀
Gail, Thanks so much. I will keep them up especially since they keep me up most nights. LOL
Hi Prissy, Such a good read! What a night!, T
Thanks, Tammy! Yep, what a night for sure. Take that one to my grave:-)
Prissy,
You have given me a good laugh as I enjoyed my afternoon coffee on my lanai. Listening to the birds sing and the chuckle from within has made my day. I think we all need some daily short stories from your intense memory book!!!
Loved it!
Barbara…I would share it all ‘cept they keep me in restraits around here. Believe you me, Larry David would KILL for my stories and could write another Seinfield sitcom. LOL
Good grief ! First time I have ever heard of your debacle with Debe Chesson? Gmmm. That makes me being at the University of Alabama at the time!
Candace, I thought you knew that story. What a summer it was! I had to wait until my girls were grown to share that summer craziness. Way, way oversharing for their teenage ears and big ideas. XOXO
Prissy, I’m a repeat offender of toilet bowl mishaps! You nailed it!
Elda…you crack me up and I believe you. Thanks!
Prissy, I attended a talk given by Elizabeth Gilbert in Brookline, last year. She was completely down to earth, and engaging and I imagine you have the same charm. I’d love to see you in action one of these days. And, kudos to you for actually sticking your arm into that nasty public toilet and retrieving your purse and its contents. XO Margaret
Margaret, you know me girl….it ’bout killed me sticking it in there. I believe I’m capable of just about anything now. Yes, she was really cool and girlfriend friendly. Keep us posted on Todd, ok? Love ya! Prissy
You have a great sense of humor and a unique writing style. It made me laugh out loud, which is something I needed more than money, and I need that a lot! Good luck in LA.
R. Miller
You are an A+ Ron Miller: a great author and an adversary for goodness. I so admire what you have done, are doing, and the cause and persons you represent. Though I am silent, I tell you quietly and with credence, I am deeply saddened by the injustices you write about and I pray for change.
Please find your laughter and humor, Ron. After all, it’s what keeps us normal, grounded and happy.
God bless you and so look forward to seeing you and sharing our stories one day. Thanks for your sweet reply.
As always, enjoyed this so much! You put a smile on my face and a deep sigh realizing there is someone else out there in the universe who enjoys Murphy’s law! Some day I will tell you my story of somehow always managing to accidentally walk into the Men’s restrooms instead of the Ladies! And I’ve done it not Once but three times!
Sherry, girl, I love the MEN’s room. They hardly use them…unless they are on blood pressure medicine. Women wait in line forever, while their room sits empty. I use them ALL the time. We are soul sisters, you and me. But….you know I squat, right? 🙂 They be so nasty. LOL
Ha ha ha haaaaaaa! Too funny !!!!
Thanks, Sherry!
thanks for the smile you gave me tonight. Always keep wrting your thoughts and memories, we love it
Thanks, Angela….I probably will as I have no control over myself it seems. 🙂
You are one funny chick a dee!
I thought you were going to tell us about some wonderful new scent you had found!
I had a similar situation happen to me in NOLA … talk about nasty toilet water…. it was real yucky!!
We could create our own brand…cute name to brand the mess. Let me think. BTW—-we will need to ‘meet’ soon. Get ready:-)
NOLA water is nasty LONG before it hits the toilet. XO
I saw you leaving the Elizabeth Gimbert talk where I was a volunteer for Opening Nights. You liked great, not a but soggy!
Was I into the wine yet, Joanne? Probably not but thinking about it. Elizabeth’s talk was worth my pain. LOL
Joanne, I must have drippppppp dried when you saw me. But thank you for thinking I looked great when I wanted to cry:-)
Prissy,
What a treasure, you always remind me to not only enjoy the day, but to grasp every moment as a wonderful, unique adventure!! ❤️❤️❤️
Cricket
Thanks, Cricket!
If we are giving badges for treasures, that would be YOU. But thank you for your sweet compliment:-) See you soon!
I started giggling and then had to laugh. You, girl, know how to get it together and get on with the show! I’m sure this has helped with your speaking engagements and will continue to do so. You are too funny…
I can’t wait to hear about your trip to LA. If there’s someone who can charm a room it is you!
Thanks, Joanne!
Every woman in America has been stuck inside one of those stall designed by men. Where are the hooks for purses? Do tell!
You know I’ll spill all the beans when I return from LA. XOXO
I started giggling and then had to laugh. You, girl, know how to get it together and get on with the show! I’m sure this has helped with your speaking engagements and will continue to do so. You are too funny…
I can’t wait to hear about your trip to LA. If there’s someone who can charm a room, it is you!
Thanks, Joanne! It will be a fun trip, if nothing else. And that’s good enough for me.
You are so sweet and glad you ‘get’ my humor. Sorry to miss book club. Have a blast:-)
Oh Prissy, so many comments!!
First, please know that your girlfriends looked high and low for you! Even after the dimming, we waited in the hall. At some point we assumed you had slipped into the theater. There were just too many bathrooms to search 🙂
OK now regarding the driving. …if you had found me, I would have gifted you a handy wipe and told you to let me hold the potty purse for you! No slipping out early. Liz,Gilbert had a great message to hear and I wouldn’t have let you miss it.
Ast….best night out in a long time. Germs and all honey, we had fun.
Love you love you! Thank you for sharing this messy life!
Jen <3
Had such a blast with you two…total BLAST, despite the TW perfume. And—by the way, Elizabeth Gilbert or Prissy Elrod, Liz or Pris….HELLO, no brainer. I would have even left myself for her.
XOXXO Big hug coming your way.
I love this story! I can’t tell you how many times I have tried to figure out where on earth to put my purse. On a recent road trip I visited many public bathrooms and not one had a hook or shelf for my purse. I reluctantly thought about the doorknob but we aren’t supposed to even touch it without a paper towel. I wrapped my shoulder strap around my neck and my heavy purse dangled in front of me while I also tried to squat. Lord knows that men design these restrooms and it’s time for women to take over the plans for these public accommodations! Love your stories. They are so real.
Ha Ha….love your own bathroom description. You nailed it, too.
Thanks, Kathy. I know ‘pee’ isn’t a polite word! But toilet water is rotten perfume… they suited one another. I’ll keeping telling you stories ’cause they just keep happening:-)
Just loved your story! Gave me a big laugh!
Nothing makes me happier ….so glad you got a laugh, Linda. Face it, I’m a mess:-)
Prissy, I always enjoy your blogs. It keeps me feeling connected with you and these Tally ladies. My bookclub here in Cincinatti lave you too! And by the way, as Chicago has horses we have pigs on every corner. A Flying Pig Marathon as well! I’m reading closely between those lines you posted! Best of Luck!
Hi Wanda,
I’m just now seeing your comment on my blog. I need a spanking:-) Thanks so much for your sweet words. Tell your bookclub girls ‘Hi’ for me. And I will keep you posted on my flying pig. We are connecting the dots but there are a ton of them. Hollywood people are crazier than the craziest. Just sayin….
Thanks for reaching out to me!
Hugs,
Prissy